Grief Becomes Me…

**I wrote this in June, but didn’t get a chance to post it. No sure why, other than I was feeling quite raw at the time. It’s now August, the pain has definitely not gone away, but I feel a little stronger and would like to share my thoughts. **

Two bereavements in two weeks… ¬†this is enough to push a person¬†over the edge. It is hard to guess how such an experience will manifest itself, but to call it a living hell is an understatement.

My heart goes out to my brother, my dear nephew and nieces, my mum, and the rest of my family in Nigeria, but also closer to home. My dearest Claire, losing both her parents within a year, my brother-in-law, and his wife, words just can’t express my sorrow. We all sat around Mum’s bed daily for a month, and watched her gradually fade away. Seeing someone you love, and respect lose a little piece of themselves every day, is a harrowing experience

I had thought this mind of mine was almost unshakable, but this experience has taken its toll on my creativity. There’s a malaise that wasn’t there before, a dark cloud blocking out the smiley person that used to be, I just can’t see beyond where I am right now.

This really shouldn’t be about me, I’m not the husband, or child of either person, but it is very hard to shake the grief, yet I have to be there for all members of the family, while they deal with their own emotions and loss.

2017… please let up! There’s only so much I can deal with. I don’t do ‘death’ that well, and this year it has hit harder then most.